Phyllis Elaine Trelfa, 78, passed away July 12, 2024, while taking a morning nap before meeting with one of her newest friends. Phyllis was strong, resilient, artistic, thoughtful, empathetic, and loving. She had a gift and expressed herself through writing, even if we may have chided her about the length of her Christmas Letters.
Phyllis was born June 11, 1946, in Grand Forks, ND, the eldest daughter of James H. and Olwen Maxwell. Raised in a small house in Grafton, ND, Phyllis graduated Grafton Central High School with the historic Class of 1964.
Phyllis continued her education at the ND College of Science in Wahpeton and married Don Haug in 1965. Later they bought her beloved grandma and grandpa Rowland’s home in Grand Forks, ND and moved with their newly adopted daughter Jenny, later adopting their son Jeremy. Although the home had love, after twenty years Phyllis and Don divorced and then modeled the sometimes-impossible feat and deep sacrifice of co-parenting her “two greatest gifts.”
Phyllis worked. Phyllis worked for the State of ND in some capacity for 49 years. Most of her early career she worked for the Medical Director of the Rehab Hospital in Grand Forks and before retiring in 2015 she spent 17 years as the administrative assistant for four deans at the UND School of Law. The students were her favorite perk.
Phyllis enjoyed many activities and organizations, too many to mention. She loved the time spent with so many unique people. Phyllis appreciated that they gave her access to arts and culture, outlets for expression, a sense of order in a chaotic world, a place to spend time with God and a place to reflect, listen, learn and grow, a place to belong and to give.
Phyllis bought and decorated her own little house in Grand Forks by the mid 90’s and settled into what she would later call the home that felt most like home. She started spending time with an old friend and everything was finally coming together, so of course life was ripe for a 500-year flood. In 1997, like so many others, she was evacuated, uprooted and as the waters receded Phyllis and her old friend Tom Trelfa found themselves madly in love. The kind of love William Goldman writes about in The Princess Bride, the love that not even death can stop, True Love. They married in 1998.
Filled with energy that True Love brings, Tom and Phyllis began traveling the world and immersing one another in their favorite activities, each other’s grandkids, families, friends, season tickets to UND Hockey, the MN Opera Company, the famed Oslo Fish Fry, fancy pillows that you don’t actually use, the newest greatest piece of technology, movies, music and books! Oh, they so love one another.
Phyllis and Tom enjoyed Les Misérables where Victor Hugo writes, “To love another person is to see the face of God.” Sadly, Tom would be diagnosed with esophageal cancer before the glow of their extended honeymoon had disappeared or before the promise of their life together was given an opportunity to flourish. Widowed in 2006, Phyllis carried what only those who have lived it know; she eventually accepted this experience and would use her understanding to help others.
Phyllis moved from Oslo, MN to EGF, MN in 2008 and planted a young maple tree in front of her new twin-home. Sixteen years later this tree now stands over 40 feet tall and shares its’ vibrant display of color every fall. Like this maple, Phyllis continued to develop roots, grow, provide a resting place, and a splash of pulsating color against a gray fall day. She is a living example of strength and beauty.
Phyllis believes God works through the people around her, people like you, who inspired her, encouraged her. Phyllis believes God created, provided, protected, and loved her…just as He does you.
Phyllis E. Trelfa was preceded in death by her beloved husband Tom, parents James and Olwen, “favorite” older brother Jim and younger sister Meribeth, brother-in-law Jack Stronstad, and sister-in-law Darlene Maxwell. She is survived by her daughter Jenny (Brian) Berg, son Jeremy Haug, ; step-sons, Michael Trelfa and Thomas (Kat) Trelfa; step-daughters, Stacey (John Goolsby) and Maddalena Trelfa; many beautiful grandchildren and her first great grandchild Zayden, sister Kathy Stronstad, brother John (Joan) Maxwell, and several loving cousins, nieces and nephews.
Visitation will be held from 5:00 – 7:00 p.m. Wednesday, July 24, 2024, at Amundson Funeral Home with a prayer service at 7:00 p.m. Memorial service will be held at 11:00 a.m. Thursday, July 25, 2024, at United Lutheran Church, Grand Forks, North Dakota.